Soul Over Strategy: Finding the Aliveness in Speaking

In a special flipped episode, Brian Perry turns the tables and interviews Soulful Speaking host Lauri Smith, diving into her journey of learning to surrender to creativity, let go of control, and serve the moment fully. Together, they explore the magic of playing beyond fear and tuning into the energy of aliveness. Brian highlights Lauri’s personal evolution, from following external formulas to embracing her authentic voice, and her philosophy on speaking from the soul. Lauri shares her insights on how to feel for the “neon lights” vibration in your words, move from tension to ease, and truly embody your message with authenticity. This episode dives deep into how spiritual alignment and creativity can transform public speaking into a powerful tool for self-expression and connection.

TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE:

1. Authenticity is Powerful: Following formulas can stifle what makes you unique. Authenticity allows your true voice to shine.
2. Let Your Soul Drive: Putting your soul in the driver’s seat when creating and sharing your message makes you a Soul-Driven Leader. 
3. Small Groups are Magical: There’s a far more transformative power in small, intimate speaking groups than there is in large, impersonal programs.
4. Speaking is a Spiritual Journey: The process of shedding what doesn’t serve you and embracing vulnerability leads to profound growth in both speaking and life.
5. Connect and Play: Like acting, speaking is a co-creative process with your audience. They’re your scene partners!
6. Choose Service Over Strategy: Prioritize service and purpose over “doing it right” or chasing financial success.
7. Presence is Powerful: Tapping into a heightened sense of awareness during performance creates an electric experience for you and your audience.
8. Trust the Process: Once you move through the fear you’re free to step into creative flow and play, which is the heart of what engages audiences fully.
9. Follow the Aliveness: Tune into what feels "open and alive" versus "shut down" and then play with that energy to unleash your one-of-a-kind radiance. 

About Brian From Brian:
I help you claim, live, and share more of your once-in-any-lifetime story. Because living your story matters. (Also, it’s more fun.) I serve as a singer-songwriter, authentic communication coach, and speaker.

My sound lives at the intersection of James Taylor and Bruce Springsteen with Garth Brooks directing traffic. Most days, that looks like me and my guitar telling stories with a few chords and as much truth as we can manage.

Authentic communication coaching helps you feel more like yourself and be more of yourself in the world. Stepping free of the endless masking of adulting. It feels like an act of bravery. Until it’s just obvious.

These days, my customized talks center around embracing uncertainty, the power of curiosity, and living more of your once-in-any-lifetime story.

But enough about me. Let’s talk about you.

Connect with Brian

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction: Brian Takes Over
• 2:06 Lauri’s Journey to Creating The Speaker Studio
• 4:10 The Trap of Ego-Driven Goals
• 5:31 The Bittersweet Goodbye and Finding Purpose Again
• 9:24 Breaking Free from Industrial Speaking Formulas
• 13:29 Embracing Creativity and Authenticity in Speaking
• 14:00 The Magic of Small Groups and Unique Creations
• 16:53 Fear as a Spiritual Teacher in Speaking
• 17:27 The Role of Play and Discovery in Public Speaking
• 18:51 Letting Go of Control
• 27:15 Tuning Into Aliveness

Transcript

Brian: 0:00

You get very fired up we share this in the industrial speaking models because you lose something, something fundamental and core is lost. What is lost?

Lauri: 0:13

For 98% of the people, what makes them unique is also lost. It gets suppressed and hidden behind all of the formulas.

Lauri: 0:24

It gets suppressed and hidden behind all of the formulas, what is found in the spaces that you work so hard to create?

Lauri: 0:30

What happens in the quote-unquote only way it works like the acting studio is that you fall in love again with who you are and you learn to create things that only you can create in the way that only you can create them. Hey, there, I'm Lori Smith. If you are a sensitive visionary, an ambitious empath or a loving rebel and you're finding yourself feeling called to speak, to use your voice, to share your message and spread your magic in a bigger way from TikToks to TED Talks and anything and everything in between and you want to find an authentic way to do that that aligns with your soul, instead of trying to cram yourself into somebody else's cookie cutter box, this is the show for you. Welcome back to the Soulful Speaking Podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Smith, except today I'm kind of not your host because we're going to do something a little radical and Brian's going to take the wheel of where we go today.

Brian: 1:52

This is going to be fully spontaneous. It is. It's not going to be, it already is. It is so welcome. Well, laurie, welcome, welcome to the program.

Lauri: 2:02

Thank you, Brian. It's great to be here. Well, Lori, welcome. Welcome to the program.

Brian: 2:06

Thank you, brian, it's great to be here. Let's start out with. You. Have an interesting background, a lot of different creative paths. You've been down from acting, directing, coaching loads and more. When did you decide that you wanted to create something like the speaker studio, um, and why?

Lauri: 2:36

great question and it feels like a continuation of our last episode because it did not come from the shiny bits or angels coming down and singing and telling me where to go next. I had been working with people in the way that I work, working with people in small groups, helping them to speak soulfully in the world. I had an old program called Compelling Speaker and I started out 2023 when people were telling me that the world was going to be back now finally fully from the pandemic, like people were going to really start signing up for things again, and I got excited because in 2022, I already had someone signed up for things again. Right, and I got excited because in 2022, I already had someone signed up for the program that was going to begin in early 2023.

Lauri: 3:30

and then I set an intention for the year, which I do every year, and that year it was alchemy it always, always, most of the time, it comes to me very intuitively, like it just falls in, and I'm usually aware of the more higher self reasons that this thing is coming in and also what my lower self or my ego sees in it right and in the beginning of 2023. I just got all on the ego side and it was like really thinking that I was going to be sitting on a pile of gold by like january 5th and that is not at all what happened.

Lauri: 4:10

I had that one person right and I postponed the program and then I postponed it again. Eventually I got a second person and that person was the oldest client I've ever worked with, who then started saying things like I've got to do this while I'm here. And that's when I shifted more into my soul-driven, service-driven, purpose-driven self and I kind of went I'm getting signs that maybe this is going to be the very last time, that it's time to like tear it all down and start over and I'm going to find a third person, because you really need three. Found a third person, made it happen. It was one of the most beautiful times and it had that feeling I do showcases with speakers. I still do that. In that way, it had that kind of a feeling.

Brian: 5:31

What is that feeling?

Lauri: 5:33

Oh, it's the feeling of it's vibrant and alive from head to toe and there is a a bitter sweetness. There's like a celebration and the bittersweetness of a goodbye and no matter how much I think myself and or people in a cast with me have left it all on the playing field yeah in every performance, no matter how much I think we've done that, there's always a little bit more of like seriously. Every last whatever we had to give to that thing got given on that last day.

Brian: 6:18

It feels like it must be kind of a heightened sense of awareness, like it feels tingly to me, almost like you're entering the space, savoring everything. Is that kind of what happened for you with the program like I'm? I want to show up to this one more time with this kind of energy.

Lauri: 6:36

Yeah, and it really shifted me into because I had I'd gotten swung over into like I, I need to do this for the money. That's not at all why I started my business. And when she said that multiple times and I really started getting it because I was trying to surrender and be led to what was meant to come next. But my mind was going crazy trying to figure it out and it doesn't make any sense and am I supposed to stop. And when she said that it felt like I shifted back into my soul being in the driver's seat, yeah, and I went. I don't know the details of what's coming next. What I feel like the universe is telling me with her is that it is time to do this in this format one more time and then say goodbye or she would not have been put in my path for whatever reason. It felt like it was really really more for her than for me.

Brian: 7:40

Well, so it turned to. It got away from doing this for money. Yeah, and it turned to. It got away from doing this for money.

Lauri: 7:45

Yeah.

Brian: 7:47

And it returned to service.

Lauri: 7:51

Yeah, like she, she needs this in the way that I do it, she needs me, she needs it at this time. So we did that. So we did that and while doing that, at a certain point I eventually fully surrendered. A friend asked me if you couldn't work with people at the same time and really listening to what people were holding people in safe and sacred groups, and yet, while they were in that group, I was giving them the kind of coaching that you usually only get in one-on-one circumstances.

Lauri: 9:04

Yeah, so it was like it's like we're getting what you usually have to work with someone one-on-one to get, yet we're getting it in a group. And I went well, yeah, because that's the only way it works. Yeah, and I heard myself say that. And then I went oh, and people were also talking a lot about like what I now call the industrial speaking machine. All those big programs out there that everybody pretty much knows the name of that are all delivered in larger groups, all delivered in larger groups, and they've got formulas. And the formulas are really about they can be delivered in large groups because it's one size fits all.

Brian: 9:49

Right.

Lauri: 9:50

And I knew that I was not that and I felt like I was being led to okay, go toward. What do you really believe works? What do you really believe the world needs? That isn't that thing that you've been trying to be nice to for 15 years, Because you don't want to step on anybody's toes. So the alchemy eventually became the fire. So alchemy is actually a process of something being burned that eventually turns into gold.

Lauri: 10:21

And I had kind of forgotten about that part and I was kind of in the fire and I started. I even formed the speaker studio because I grew up watching the TV show the Actor's Studio. Right, I studied in a studio here in San Francisco called the Sideways Acting Studio. I've talked a little bit about this before and that's just what you do Like a masterclass in theater is a small group like 12 people was what it was pre pandemic, when you were always in person all the time and the person holding the space knows each and every one of you as intimately as they would know you if they were coaching you one-on-one. And I realized speakers don't have that. I mean, I knew it, but it's like I re-realized it and I went, oh my, in the middle of this thing that I had built, in the middle of that not working. It's like the universe is telling me to go bigger.

Brian: 11:37

Good question, if I may. You get very fired up we share this in the industrial speaking models at how they and I understand why. Part of it's because it's easier to make money that way, um, part of it's because people do find speaking intimidating, you know, I don't know what the data is now, but it used to be. They'd say there was the number one fear, you know, um, and so they're looking for the pill, just make it easy. And I'm like, well, they've got a system and it's just a plug and play and I'm done. So I know what we you and I push back against, and the reason we push back against it is because you lose something. Um is what I feel like something fundamental and core is lost. What is lost?

Lauri: 12:37

what happens I would say 98 of the time in those programs is it is the diet pill, the magic pill, where you get some relief very quickly because of the formulas, and for 98% of the people what makes them unique is also lost in the process yeah it gets suppressed and hidden behind all of the formulas. What's?

Brian: 13:13

better what is found in the spaces like that you you work so hard to create. When you say that's the way it works, when you talked about the 12 person program and that one person would hold space, is that's the way it works? What is?

Lauri: 13:28

works. So imagine if theater schools were all this one size fits all. Here's the formula. This is how you do it Plug and play. Put yourself in the formula.

Brian: 13:40

Formula imagine if every single actor could only play the same character yeah, yeah in the same way yeah movies would not be interesting no, they would yeah, it would yeah be awful, yeah, so what happens in the quote-unquote?

Lauri: 14:02

only way it works like the acting studio is that you fall in love again with who you are and you learn to create things that only you can create in the way that only you can create them, things that only you can create in the way that only you can create them. And every leader has a different presence and a different way that they see the world. And every speaker who will get on a stage whether it's a virtual stage or a real old-fashioned in-person stage, working in the only way that works where it's small groups and you have someone holding the space who sees you and knows you as intimately as they would if they were working with you one-on-one. It's a magic formula for speaking and acting, because in acting you need playmates. If you only worked with a one-on-one coach, you don't get to do the like.

Lauri: 15:10

we're creating a scene together yeah and in speaking you have a scene partner and you have your audience is actually your scene partner and the audience.

Brian: 15:25

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Lauri: 15:29

So doing it in a group is, in part. You have your scene partner and you also have an audience of people and a group of people that are walking the same spiritual path as you are. And I said this in the first episode and I will say it again, because part of my problem with those other programs and like how they're sneaky is that it's like surviving the fear is the end of the conversation. It begins and ends there, whether people realize it or not. It's suppressed, it's masked, it's like I'm surviving it and we're going to create from there rather than speaking, is one of the biggest spiritual teachers, just like health, just like relationships, just like money. And to me, moving through the fear in a way that is opening and being me and trusting myself and coming home to myself and creating from there, that's actually the beginning of the conversation.

Brian: 16:53

I love the way you're framing that because I love the notion that the gap it is kind of a diet pill. I'm going to help you get past the fear Maybe better than diet pills is a painkiller sometimes, where I'm masking the pain and I'm getting through it. But I'm not. I'm doing I'm in the midst of physical therapy right now for moving through some challenges that Bell's palsy and my voice, which is a whole other thing, as you know. But but that's about sort of systemically changing things.

Brian: 17:27

Yes, and and that is exploring, like I was in a session earlier today and she had me doing this new thing where I was doing this double chin bit and she wanted me to move my head and neck in a certain way and I couldn't move my chin, like my, I was like it was tremoring and and I was like holy cow. I didn't know that that was a, that that was something that I could strengthen, nor did I know that it was weak. And I think what people, um, that do what you do know, like the air you breathe is a good thing is the thing that people who are longing for a different experience of speaking think is sort of antithetical to that journey, which is what you're talking about Getting into the fearating, looking foolish. Do you have any kind of a story that you can remember in your own experience? Maybe it's working on theater, maybe it's in the space of this of the speaker studio, where you thought you needed to do it one way and then in that playground you got pushed and stretched such that you found something new that's a great question.

Lauri: 18:51

Yeah, so what came to me as a and I I relearned this in a deeper and deeper yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is what we're going to do on every single week. That would happen to me in theater and when I would try to rigidly hold on to that spreadsheet that I had crafted over the summer that had every moment of every class laid out, and then that's not how it would go. People would not show up and at a certain point along the way, somebody clued me into the fact that I'm incredibly creative. So if I would just stop resisting and surrender, everything would go easier for me.

Lauri: 19:47

I taught theater in a community college. When people are in a play, or finals are coming or midterms are coming, you show up to class and nobody's there. Half your class has not shown up and I used to resist and try to control and like tell people what they're great, like you know, send out 38 emails telling people what their grades were to try to get them to come to class. And after somebody clued me into how creative I was, it was like I let go and I stepped back and I just started again and went. Okay, so this person is here, this person is not here. This person could play the role of the person who's not here. They're an incredibly good actor who comes every single week.

Brian: 20:35

Right.

Lauri: 20:35

And they've got a bad grade right now Because the kind of left brain studenting is maybe not their strong suit.

Brian: 20:42

Right.

Lauri: 20:44

And I just started doing things like okay, so from this point forward, you are the understudy for that person's partner who's repeatedly not here. Learn the role, learn how to understudy. It's a really valuable, valuable skill. You get this amount of extra credit points just for understudying and if you go on for the final, you get this many more points. And I was finding solutions like that left, right and center and I can feel it as I'm saying it to you, it's like everybody wins and it it completely changed and it was like no, that whole controlling, pre-planning and sticking to the plan thing is not the way yeah and my way now is more like well, I have a plan and I'm ready to do that plan if that's the right thing.

Lauri: 21:34

When I show up in the room, I've done my homework, so to speak because this extends to acting too, like I've. I've done some work to understand why my character is saying what my character says, when my character says each thing, and now I'm going to show up without any preconceived notions of how you're going to do your part, and I'm going to respond it gets back to again the, the power of people, think they're supposed to do it right.

Brian: 22:06

And in that story, trying to do it right, trying to get everybody in that room, like that was the metric Everybody will be in the room and we will do the class.

Brian: 22:16

And instead of serving the people that are there and being open to what the room is telling you and showing up fully and trusting the process and that's so much of like what you, what I see you do is in is just not about teaching people how to move through the fear. It's about teaching people how to move into the field, like how to. The more you can get in the play box, the playground, into the sand I don't know what is it? Sandbox for a weekend is Brian, what's happening? But the more you're playful and I've seen it happen on your calls, I've seen it work that when there's a safe space they've stepped out of, I need to do this right, yeah, and stepped into, I get to start listening to what do I think is moving to me and in that moment I hear you listening to. What do I really want from the people that are in the room?

Lauri: 23:12

Yeah, and the shift back in the theater days. It shifted to let's get the best performances out of the people that have chosen to show up today.

Lauri: 23:22

And there was even a moment when I was teaching, like an introduction to theater class, a college course on a high school campus yeah in east palo, alto, california, where I was doing the same thing in a different way, and there was a day where a whole bunch of people whole I mean, they're teenagers, this I now know they're neurologically wired to test the boundaries. I did not know that it would have been helpful. They were testing the boundaries and I was having to kick a bunch of people out of class and I hated disciplining and I hated sending people out of class and I was so full of my own hatred and resistance of having to do that that I looked up at the people that were still in the room and this is embarrassing even now. I said do you guys even want to be here, or should we just work on other homework for the day? Or something like that.

Brian: 24:25

Wow.

Lauri: 24:27

And an incredibly brave, rebellious enough young student in the back row said why are you saying you guys, we're the ones that are still here, wow. Why are you saying you guys, we're the ones that are still here, wow? And I said you're absolutely right and I am so sorry. And I told the whole room I hate this discipline part. I I actually said it to them. The next day we had class. I started the class and I said I hate the discipline thing. It is my least favorite part of the job. However, she helped me remember the other day that it is actually part of my job and I haven't been doing it, which hasn't been a service to anyone Not me, not her, not those of you that are getting kicked out. So, starting from this point on, I am going to do that discipline part of my job that I don't like, because once you've disturbed the class, everybody's already suffering and.

Lauri: 25:33

I've been making it worse. So now, when you disturb the class, you're going to see a very different person. It was like they heard that and they were like yeah, are you going to keep your word? Five people within five minutes Out, out, out, out, out. Okay, now the rest of us can have some fun.

Brian: 25:58

It's one of those moments in a movie you're like anyone else. Exactly we talked about when we started this. We'd probably try this experiment here for like a half hour and see what happened. Um, thank you for what you've been sharing. Thank you, um, what I think is one of the things I want to probe for as we wrap up, because I think there's a parallel. I think it's the the way you do one thing's, the way you do everything. I think that one of the things that artists have because, by necessity, is you cultivate the ability to see the shift, to see what the resonant piece is, in a way that, um, uh, people who have not been in that space, um, aren't, aren't able to see quite as quickly. I see that play out when you're helping someone dial in a story they're trying to tell or a talk they're trying to create, to help them identify. This is the idea that wants your love, that wants to be developed. How do you know it? When you feel it?

Lauri: 27:15

it's. It's following an energy that feels open and alive, versus one that feels shut down.

Brian: 27:26

Can you picture what open and alive and shut down feeling?

Lauri: 27:29

Yeah, there's. So when I'm open and alive myself, it's like I can feel my toes. I am thinking only things about this moment that we're in. Where is the aliveness and where is the tightness or the shutdown?

Brian: 27:51

or the resistance.

Lauri: 27:52

I love that and when it's me like in that moment when that student said that I was tensing every single muscle in my body as much as it could probably be tensed.

Lauri: 28:04

And when she said we're the ones that are still here and I took a breath, it was like I felt that and I let it all go so that I could actually feel alive again and then make the choices to go toward the aliveness I'm helping other people. It's everything from noticing where their body seems tight or not alive. Um, the words that they're saying sound different to me, so it's like there's an aural equivalent of a neon sign around words that are important and and there can be times where someone has, in the privacy of their own home, like written out what they want to speak and they're looking at their notes. So the words are alive, but the way they're coming out is not alive, and it's so when I'm present in my own body and alive and my own stuff is not in the way. It's so easy. It's almost like breathing, like it's hard for me to break down in this moment. What is it that's happening?

Brian: 29:22

Actually you articulate it really well. Everything you were talking about about that classroom I'm going to paint it in a little bit different way was so external. You were trying to control all these externals, right. And then in that moment where you're just like duh, you know, and let it rip, and that student said the thing, then you went that's what you just gave us as a gift is notice when you're, when you're tightened, notice when you release, when you're sharing a talk. That I think that neon sign that's around some words is that same kind of thing. There's a light that comes on. We all, everybody knows this, everybody knows when a friend's talking about their. You know when they're. You're having coffee with a friend and you're just like how are things going? And they're just like, oh well, this is going on at work and this is going on at work, and well, I mean, but what else? And then they start sharing something that really matters.

Lauri: 30:22

Yeah.

Brian: 30:23

And the light in their eyes changes. You know that's the neon light, right? So I think that that was what I was wondering, what your experience said. That's exactly that's useful to me. Yeah, To be on alert for the tension, to be on alert for the least, to be on alert for the light, yeah.

Lauri: 30:46

And there's a I've had this thought of. So there are. There are programs out there that suppress, and then there are other things out there that help people move through the fear where they really have moved through it, and then it's like they're standing there and they're open and they have no idea that there's more.

Lauri: 31:10

And I kept finding myself wanting to like, say more to those folks, that it's like you worked with a hypnotherapist and the world made you think that moving through the fear was the end of the road. So you're kind of standing there, going, I'm speaking in front of crowds and you have no idea that there's like a more more impact, more energy, more of an ability to serve people, and this is the answer.

Lauri: 31:36

If you're out there on your own and you're listening to this podcast and that's you, you're like, but I'm not scared and I'm not suppressed and you're really being honest with yourself, what you can do after listening to this episode to start to play is okay. Now that you're alive and you're comfortable with the sensations, start to play with them. Follow the aliveness and play and move forward from there.

Brian: 32:03

That's rich. Like you said a minute ago, when I'm doing I'm in it, it's like breathing, it's easy that that thing that someone is feeling for and they're like, oh, I get all delighted when I think about talking about that thing, or you know all that feels really scary, that I swear that's where the juice is going to be for any audience you're sharing something with yeah that's where, that's where the gold awaits, and we move right past it because, with the fear, we thought it was supposed to be hard.

Brian: 32:31

And then, in the absence of the fear, we're just like, well, I'm able to do it, yeah, but realizing, hey, if I can bring the juice that lives in, just a little surprising, this makes me happy. Yeah, I love that. Well, lori, thank you for your time today. Thank you for coming on the podcast. It's just a delight to have you world to help people find and claim and live in more of that space of noticing where the tension is that wants to be relieved and where the joy is that wants to be amplified. I think that that's exactly the kind of thing that we want here on the Soulful Speaking podcast and exactly what we need in the world. So, thank you.

Lauri: 33:17

Thank you, Brian.